Reflection

There are a lot of things I wish I was and a few I wish I wasn’t. So as 2008 draws to a close I find myself, like many others I’m sure, taking inventory on who I am. I do this not just because it is the end of another year but because I think I have finally reached the proverbial midlife “crisis”, although I don’t feel as if I am in a crisis. I certainly could if I wanted to. This past year, as everyone knows, has been one of the most tumultuous since the year of my birth in 1968. But in the end I feel fortunate, for now.

I am fortunate for my son, my wife, my mother, the memory of my father, my family, and my friends. I am fortunate that even though we have our struggles and times when we can’t see the light, we have each other.

My son shows me the man I want to be. He makes me re-think all that I thought I knew. He makes me see the world in a different light, a joyous view of all things new and scary. He makes me believe in dreams.

My wife defines who I am. Her incredible strength in dealing with her illness inspires me. Her love for her son, me, and our home lifts me. She reminds me constantly that I am good person and that what I do makes a difference. She is who I am.

My mother made me who I am. Her unyielding and unconditional love for me and my family gives me strength. The example of her life gives me a rule book and a map in which to lead my life. Without her, I would be nothing.

My father and his memory move me. Every day, every hour, consciously or not, I ask myself what would Dad do in this situation. He is my moral compass. He keeps me moving on the path that is righteous. He is the example of the example I want to set for my son. I miss him terribly.

My other parents, Bob and Laura, keep me stable. I don’t like the word “Step” in reference to family, that is not who these people are to me. Bob shows me that life is a game with a many sided die and that each number, over time, will appear. We must be ready for it and enjoy it. Laura proves to me that there is nothing in this life that you can’t handle. Life is just a series of choices. You make yours the best you can and you deal with and enjoy the results.

My family and my friends teach, guide, and complete the man I am. I shouldn’t use the word “friends” here, because to me, they are family. I am truly fortunate for the random crew who became my family and I am incredibly proud of the people I chose to become my family. Mike and Stacy provide me with a great example of a fun and loving family that we should all want to be. Bryan and Lisa remind me that I am never alone and that I can always rely on my family. Mark and Whitney continuously challenge and inspire me to never stop learning and expanding my mind and my beliefs. Kyle and Marita Beth show me how wonderful and different our world is and how much fun our journey though it can be. Steve makes sense of it all for me and reminds me to keep my head in the game. Phil shows me how to experience the life I am living. Robert shows me how to not take all so damn seriously. Michelle reminds me that no matter how many punches are thrown your way, you have to keep ducking and fighting back with a smile. Kelli, Taylor, and Logan give me hope in things to come. Sean makes me proud of whom we are.

There are so many others that make up the man I am I could write for days and one day I will. But since I have probably lost most of you by now, I will end with a quote I heard as I child. I don’t remember who said it, but I really have tried to live my life by it.

“Don’t take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.”

Happy New Year to all!